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Walk With Me 

You walk down the street,

With eyes wide open.

You just walk and you follow your feet,

Feel the breeze and feel the sun.

Where will they take you? 

Have you ever let yourself see?

Will they take you to places they knew? 

Will they take you to your destiny?

Today I walked that path unknowingly,

My feet carrying me to places I couldn’t see,

Then it just happened, it flowed glowingly,

My feet, they had taken me on a new journey.

A shining light had appeared in sight,

Was I going to allow it or would I put up a fight?

These feet, should I let them be?

Allow them, step by step, to places I cannot yet see?
These feet have walked down rubbles and sand, 

Walked into oasis of emotions and pain not grand.

These feet, have also walked away from the thorny kind,

Those who appear to smile with a soul you cannot find,

These feet have also walked on fires – survived the burn,

These feet — these burnt feet – what have they learnt?

Stop, I say – turn around and walk the other way,

Stay in that place where only happiness can stay,

Hearing this, the feet look up and smile at me.

They say “love, walk with me, trust me. I will be your journey”.  

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Posted by on August 2, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Which face is my friends? 

Eyes smile, eyes laugh

They say you can see soul in the eyes

I saw yours – and trusted…

That face which shared my pain

Held my hand, cried my tears.

Then the face changed!

The eyes smiled and laughed

I still saw glimpses of the soul

Still sharing my pain

Still holding my hand

This time I clearly saw though

The shiny knife held close to my heart

Ready to stab as soon as my head turned

As it perhaps have been

Which face was my friends? 

I keep wondering and wondering

Until it all made sense within

There was only ever one face

Half soul, hidden on smiles and laughs

Fully hidden by lies lived in the soul

Carrying a knife

Covered in the trust of friendship

Covered in the blood of a stabbed friend

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Winds of Change

The billion stories in her smile,
Walking, running, clocking every mile.
Grey in her hair, lines on her face,
Ageing, loving, growing, learning with grace.
That once was, will never again be,
This caged bird is now free.
The scars will never go out of style,
Emotions will simply stay on for a while.
I still have promises to keep,
A million miles to go before that sleep.

 
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Posted by on May 25, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Zindagi – Let the cloud shine

Dear Zindagi – Let the cloud shine

It’s raining and the music is loud,
It’s finally here, my magical cloud.
My cloud has the rain and the light,
It washes all the negatives in sight.
My cloud, she plays with the sun and the moon,
When tired, she holds herself in a spoon.
She dances, laughs, curses and cries,
When against the storm, she fights, she tries.
My cloud holds the magic to the world,
Life in the cloud, is my love unfurled.

 
 

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Masked or … ?

Masked or … ?

Deep laughter of a special kind,
Twinkle in her eyes, where did she find?
Happiness shining within her soul
Energetic chatter, hugs galore
Spreading warmth, sharing smiles
Pouring positivity, walking miles
Are you for real, she was asked
Is she? Or is she just beautifully masked

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2017 in authenticity, Uncategorized

 

DARK DESPAIR – AND THEN I FOUND LIGHT

DARK DESPAIR –  AND THEN I FOUND LIGHT

Months, weeks of despair. Some reasons I knew, some I didn’t. Past pain, life’s struggles, family, home, work, challenges, fears, insecurities, hurt, desires, needs, rejections,  and just expectations from self. Whatever it was, it had brought me to a point of this >>>Reach out and heal. It was from me to me. I had reached that point where I was ready to let it all go.

I reflected seriously. What is it that was so troubling me that I had reached this point.

I have had no real answers, except that through life we do accumulate a lot of pain, suffering, troubles, hurts, some of them caused by us, some by others. We let it go. But we don’t really let it go. We STORE them within us. That negative emotion is like an infection, unknown to us, it spreads within our cells. Our bodies respond to it in the form of illnesses – physical and that of the mind. And we don’t even realise that it is all caused by our own desire to be pain free.

In wanting to be pain free, we cause ourselves more pain.

Three days ago, I FORCED myself to snap out of it. I was tired of me. I was beyond exhausted of being this person. I was tired of pretending to be happy, masking my pain. I wanted OUT. But instead of wanting out in the self sabotaging manner, I decided to make a note of what it was that made me happiest. For me,  I was happiest when I gave a bit of myself to the world, in my own little way.

I realised what is critical for us is to :

  1. Embrace life – accept that there will be ups and downs. Fold your hands and accept it
  2. Heal – it is most critical to heal from whatever baggage one is carrying.
  3. Be grateful – as long as we are breathing, we need to be grateful. Regardless of what else we have in life. This is a huge thing to have.
  4. Find a purpose – this is what gives meaning to life. It’s different for each one of us, and it can change with age. But FIND a PURPOSE. Then nurture it. Don’t reject that purpose; as that will give your soul happiness
  5. Love yourself – Very critical. We must love ourselves much more than we expect anyone else to love us. That is when true soul happiness comes.
  6. Exercise and eat healthy – I cannot tell you how critical this is. For weeks, through my dark despairing times, I ate poorly, drank nearly every day to suppress my pain, hardly exercised and even smoked occasionally. Why? Because I thought it would help me soothe my deep soul pain. Did it? No, it only made it darker for me.

None of us will ever be free of all this. This is life. This is how it happens.

The moment I embraced this reality, I found my purpose, and I found a meaning to my life. My life I have dedicated to those who can benefit from me. I have personally renounced my desires for any thing beyond this. And in this, I will find my peace.

Wishing us all a lot of love, laughter, happiness, peace and more than anything a real PURPOSE in life.

Be like the Sun. A poem I wrote at 3 am on my birthday, when I was in such darkness that I could have totally gone. 

Glad I found the sun within. Find yours. Heal.

 

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Masked or .. ? 

Masked or .. ? 

Deep laughter of a special kind,

Twinkle in her eyes, where did she find?

Happiness shining within her soul

Energetic chatter, hugs galore

Spreading warmth, sharing smiles

Pouring positivity, walking miles

Are you for real, she was asked

Is she? Or is she just beautifully masked

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Free the Fire

Free the Fire

Fire, peace, warmth, heat, soul
Love, my happiness, your happiness, my goal
Inside the fire, there is deeper fire
To find me, find you, find our desire
Soul knows what the heart refuses to see
this deep longing will never set us free
I close my eyes and live every bit of you and of me
In my thoughts, dreams – we set us free
The desire burns every cell of me, my being,my bones
Your every cell cries out as I hear your moans
In my thoughts, dreams – that’s how we set us free
And in this is the reality of you and of me.

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2017 in authenticity, Uncategorized

 

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Strong Women Cry

Strong Women Cry

I was brought up to believe that if you are strong, you should not cry. Maybe that lesson was first taught to me when at the age of six,  I saw my father die. Perhaps the family felt it was the best way to teach me to deal with pain. Ever since, no matter how hard life was, I never allowed myself to cry. My pain stayed within. I remember my dear mother repeatedly saying to all “she is very strong, she never cries”. And the more I heard her say that, the stronger I stayed for her.

It has taken me 46 years to realise what a load of crap this really is. Strong woman must cry. Because tears are a way of washing away our pain and hurt, isn’t it. 

We are human. We feel all kinds of emotions. Hurt, pain, anger, jealousy, insecurity, happiness, frustration and regardless of what these emotions are, we are best when we allow them to be felt. Anything in excess is bad and we have to learn to manage it, but curbing them is not truly being.

We spend our life trying to get rid of negative emotions that are harmful to our overall well-being. Jealousy, insecurity, anger these are all emotions that stem out of fear. Our fear of losing. Our fear of failure. When we feel these emotions, we must allow it to to be felt and release it, otherwise they fester inside us. These emotions re-appear when exposed. Have you been there? I have been there many times. I suppress these emotions by “distracting” myself. Food, drinking, other distractions — are my typical way of coping.

Often when one is on an emotional low, we hear our well wishers say “find a distraction’ and “it will pass”. I say it no to this solution. We need to “feel it to heal it”. We need to take our time to feel whatever that negative emotion is, accept it, understand it, understand the reasons for that emotion, why is it getting to us. Feel it fully. And then release it. In releasing it, we allow that pain to go away permanently. What it leaves behind is not pain, or emptiness. What it leaves behind is an understanding of that feeling. Healing only happens then.

I have been emotionally very low the past few months. I allowed myself to make poor decisions and that’s ok, it was a choice I made. In making those choices, I found joy as well. However, that also caused a lot of emotional turmoil. Some very good days, and extremely low days. The low days became so painful that often I would end up finding ‘distractions’. It only occurred to me lately that ’emotional lows’ are actually our hearts way of waking us up and saying ‘hey, please deal with this, it’s causing me pain’. And the more we run away from it, the more it returns because it’s not been dealt with. And it only get’s worse.

This time I decided that enough was enough. Each time I run away from pain, and don’t deal with it, it comes back with a greater force and since the lessons are not learnt, the situations that allow me to make poor choices continue.  (and hey, no one else causes us pain, so no ‘karma is not a bitch’. We cause ourselves pain with our choices. It’s another thing that we like to find someone else to blame, but seriously our hurts and pains are caused only by our own choices).

So here is what I intend to do:

  • sit quietly and feel the emotion (anger, hurt, pain, whatever that is)
  • understand and reflect on why that happened, and what made me feel that emotion
  • understand my part in it, and what choices I made
  • reflect and allow the pain to be felt
  • find ways of dealing with the pain so that it does not re-surface
  • let it go. let the fears, the hurt, the anger, the pain of that situation go
  • Accept it fully
  • Move on

And CRY. It is important to cry. I can count on my fingers the number of times I have cried.  I am still not there. Today I wanted to cry and as the tears welled up, I could hear my dear mum’s voice “you are so strong, you never cry” and I stopped myself.

Now I allow myself a few tears every now and again – I am a strong woman and I cry.

Be a strong woman, Cry when you need to.

(Dedicated to my dear mother, on her birthday. I love you and I miss you. We are both strong women and I continue to live through you).

“A Ticking Time Bomb”.

That was the blunt description given the mounting problem of Type 2 Diabetes within the South Asian Diaspora community in the United Kingdom a few years ago.

According to research, immigrants to the UK from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and other nations from South Asia are six times more likely than the indigenous white population to develop Type 2 Diabetes.

Whilst current evidence is inconclusive as to why British Asians are more susceptible to the disorder, medical experts have pointed to the twin evils of a diet high in carbohydrates and saturated fatty acids (all those chapattis and rice dishes) as well as alarmingly low levels of physical activity, especially among older South Asian women, as two of the most significant contributory factors to a problem that is certain to put a huge burden on families and the community at large.

Alarmingly, there is widespread ignorance about Type 2 Diabetes within the community, according to medical experts, which threatens the lives of thousands.

Mumbai-born, with ten amazing years in New Zealand, now North London-based marketing and advertising expert , Raga D’silva was among those ignorant masses.

The 46-year-old mother of twins, whose family had a history of Diabetes, was diagnosed with this illness in 2012. The news brought about a radical change in Raga and has inspired her to help others with Diabetes and raise awareness.

Raga is the Asian Ambassador for Diabetes UK.

 

12 Weeks 2 Lose it Challenge Day 2

 
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Posted by on April 16, 2016 in Uncategorized

 
 
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