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DARK DESPAIR – AND THEN I FOUND LIGHT

03 Mar
DARK DESPAIR –  AND THEN I FOUND LIGHT

Months, weeks of despair. Some reasons I knew, some I didn’t. Past pain, life’s struggles, family, home, work, challenges, fears, insecurities, hurt, desires, needs, rejections,  and just expectations from self. Whatever it was, it had brought me to a point of this >>>Reach out and heal. It was from me to me. I had reached that point where I was ready to let it all go.

I reflected seriously. What is it that was so troubling me that I had reached this point.

I have had no real answers, except that through life we do accumulate a lot of pain, suffering, troubles, hurts, some of them caused by us, some by others. We let it go. But we don’t really let it go. We STORE them within us. That negative emotion is like an infection, unknown to us, it spreads within our cells. Our bodies respond to it in the form of illnesses – physical and that of the mind. And we don’t even realise that it is all caused by our own desire to be pain free.

In wanting to be pain free, we cause ourselves more pain.

Three days ago, I FORCED myself to snap out of it. I was tired of me. I was beyond exhausted of being this person. I was tired of pretending to be happy, masking my pain. I wanted OUT. But instead of wanting out in the self sabotaging manner, I decided to make a note of what it was that made me happiest. For me,  I was happiest when I gave a bit of myself to the world, in my own little way.

I realised what is critical for us is to :

  1. Embrace life – accept that there will be ups and downs. Fold your hands and accept it
  2. Heal – it is most critical to heal from whatever baggage one is carrying.
  3. Be grateful – as long as we are breathing, we need to be grateful. Regardless of what else we have in life. This is a huge thing to have.
  4. Find a purpose – this is what gives meaning to life. It’s different for each one of us, and it can change with age. But FIND a PURPOSE. Then nurture it. Don’t reject that purpose; as that will give your soul happiness
  5. Love yourself – Very critical. We must love ourselves much more than we expect anyone else to love us. That is when true soul happiness comes.
  6. Exercise and eat healthy – I cannot tell you how critical this is. For weeks, through my dark despairing times, I ate poorly, drank nearly every day to suppress my pain, hardly exercised and even smoked occasionally. Why? Because I thought it would help me soothe my deep soul pain. Did it? No, it only made it darker for me.

None of us will ever be free of all this. This is life. This is how it happens.

The moment I embraced this reality, I found my purpose, and I found a meaning to my life. My life I have dedicated to those who can benefit from me. I have personally renounced my desires for any thing beyond this. And in this, I will find my peace.

Wishing us all a lot of love, laughter, happiness, peace and more than anything a real PURPOSE in life.

Be like the Sun. A poem I wrote at 3 am on my birthday, when I was in such darkness that I could have totally gone. 

Glad I found the sun within. Find yours. Heal.

 

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Posted by on March 3, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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