I Stopped Myself From Stopping Myself

09 Aug
I Stopped Myself From Stopping Myself

Drops fell. Slowly. From the corner of my eyes. I tried to keep a straight face. Tried to focus on the meeting I was at. But the tears just kept flowing. I had lost control –  over my pain. Finally, it had caught up with me. I stopped myself from stopping myself. I let it flow. Slowly. And then it gushed out. I was scared of being judged. But in that moment, I had no control.  And it was okay. I felt safe. I was amongst those who loved me. Those who didn’t judge me. Those who did not question me. They just held my hand and let me be.

Darkness had presented itself in many ways. The darkness of actions, reactions, pain, frustration, emotions that were mine, yet no longer mine. I had allowed myself to become this person I wasn’t even aware of. In my heart, I knew my own role in the darkness that I had created for me. That darkness was killing me.

It was a jolt. But it was a lesson

It was time to get up, slowly. It was time to let things go. It was time to stop questioning. It was time to stop forcing. It was time to stop asking. It was time to stop feeling. It was time to look up; accept what it was and it was time to stand back up again. It was time to stop. It was time to start.

As I walked around the waterfront, at my most favourite part of the world – the Bandstand area in Bandra, Mumbai; suddenly it all made sense. Life doesn’t have to be painful. It doesn’t need to be drama.  Neither become one, nor be a participant.

There is so much to learn from the sea. The waves are a perfect example of how life can be a roller coaster, carrying with itself things that don’t even belong to it.Yet it can remain calm, distant and committed.  There is trash and there is treasure. The waves simply accept it, and when it gets too much, it leaves the extras ashore. But the waves don’t stop. They continue on their path. Their role is to keep the current flowing. It provides a constant sense of movement taking everything in its stride. The waves also learnt their lesson each time.

That wave was my lesson. The waves do not force themselves on anyone, nor do they expect to be questioned. I had done the opposite and there was a price to pay for it. I was not defeated. I had learnt. It taught me to just go with the flow. It taught me not to hold on to anything. There are many who will go on a journey with me. Many will throw things into my being. Many will not understand my purpose. Some will bring light. Some will enhance the darkness. I need to learn and grow. I need to keep going. Only allow those whose journey matched mine and are willing to commit to that journey. Not run away when it doesn’t suit them anymore. The journey will continue regardless. The purpose will remain. Authenticity will remain. Lessons will be learnt.

Darkness will bring in the light. And the light will bring magic to the waves.

The magic that the light brings to be waves needs to be felt again. That light is inside of me. And that light is magical.

“A Ticking Time Bomb”.

That was the blunt description given the mounting problem of Type 2 Diabetes within the South Asian Diaspora community in the United Kingdom a few years ago.

According to research, immigrants to the UK from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and other nations from South Asia are six times more likely than the indigenous white population to develop Type 2 Diabetes.

Whilst current evidence is inconclusive as to why British Asians are more susceptible to the disorder, medical experts have pointed to the twin evils of a diet high in carbohydrates and saturated fatty acids (all those chapattis and rice dishes) as well as alarmingly low levels of physical activity, especially among older South Asian women, as two of the most significant contributory factors to a problem that is certain to put a huge burden on families and the community at large.

Alarmingly, there is widespread ignorance about Type 2 Diabetes within the community, according to medical experts, which threatens the lives of thousands.

Mumbai-born, with ten amazing years in New Zealand, now North London-based marketing and advertising expert, Raga D’silva was among those ignorant masses.

The 46-year-old mother of twins, whose family had a history of Diabetes, was diagnosed with this illness in 2012. The news brought about a radical change in Raga and has inspired her to help others with Diabetes and raise awareness.

Raga is the Asian Ambassador for Diabetes UK.

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Pic courtesy: Online


One response to “I Stopped Myself From Stopping Myself

  1. Meeta Parekh

    August 9, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    Dear Raga

    What a beautiful post…so well worded n thought provoking.

    Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

    Love Meeta

    Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.



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