Today is a beautiful day outside, here in the London. The sun is shining, bringing with it the warmth in the cool breeze. I can hear the sounds of the birds in the distance, happy laughter around me, people with happy looks on their faces. Even my cat is happy today.
Weather plays such an important role in our lives – yet, today I feel edgy. The clouds are around; and the sun doesn’t seem to take away the minor speckles of cloud that seem to have gathered in my soul.
Maybe it’s simply because I am like my mum – when everyone felt cold, she felt warm, and when the whole world celebrated the sun, she would ask for duvets!!! I am ‘ULTA PULTA” (Upside down perhaps)!
I am sure this is not unique to me. There are many like me. In my younger days, I have beat myself over it, forced myself to get over the feeling, indulged in dysfunctional behaviour – by making poor choices in food (comfort food) and not looking after myself, or simply not getting out of the duvet. Today, I am doing no such thing. I am allowing the feelings to be felt, so I can make peace with whatever it is and allow it to move through me.
Today, I have channeled this energy into some productive stuff, like (and please take that grin off your face):
– cleaned the house like five times already (I can still see a speck of dust on the kitchen table – oh well)
– kneaded that dough like you cannot imagine (some one is going to get the best rotis today)
– chatted with a friend about simple things in life (thank you)
– Helped edit two very important articles for work (words seem to flow better during such times – hmmm – may be I should take this up as a full time job)
But, what I am craving is ME time. A WALK in the sun!! That’s what I am going to do today. Going to go away into myself, into the woods and hang out with me. Be with the birds that are singing. Feel the warmth of the sun, the coolness of the breeze, the beauty of nature – and watch people and feel their happiness.
Until then, remember the sun is within us, so is the cloud. Both form a part of our lives – we have to learn to manage and channel them well, so the sun can continue to shine for us.
This is what gives me hope, that I no longer crave ‘food’ or a ‘drink’ when I go within. I can see myself bouncing back. I can visualise :
– playing bollywood music tonight
– dancing whilst I am cooking
– giggles with family as I give them another round of mum’s food made with love (and pretend its the tastiest meal they have had).
The sun will keep shining and wait for me, I have no doubt. I can already see it through my cloud ….