Sabotager To Be or Not to Be

20 Feb

SEVEN weeks since my beautiful,  angelic mother passed.  Her death was sudden.  So many things left unsaid, unanswered, unsorted. Too many regrets. She was meant to spend Christmas with us, and then celebrate my children’s 16th birthday (next month) who were her babies. The loss is deep. The loss immense, it’s intense. Unbearable at times. Left a BIG hole. Biggest ever so far. 

Typical things I heard my family and friends say (and God bless you all for that):

– Don’t cry, let her soul rest in peace
– This pain will pass, and you will only remember the happy times
– Stay happy for your children
– We all lose our mothers some day, so just stay strong, its part of life.

I took in all in, and felt the pain, tried not to shed tears with all the expectations around me, and mostly tried to stay strong.  But, something’s got to give! So, I became a self-sabotger! 

I smoked, I drank so much that one day I blacked out, and I ate and ate and ate…..! The more I ate, the more I felt weak, ugly, felt like a loser…. I simply did not care….

I said “F***K” off to all those who reminded me that:

– I was diabetic and had to take care of my health
– I needed to look after myself and look presentable
– I had children to worry about

Until, I woke up weighing five kilos more than I did on 28th October, feeling miserable, lost, and deeply upset with myself for being a self-sabotager.  I decided not to be hard on myself. It dawned on me that there will be many of my loved ones who will be dealing with similar issues, particularly during the festive period.  Festive times also bring its own amount of stress. Statistics show that divorce/separation rates are higher during this time. Christmas, a celebratory time for some, is also a grieving time for many.

I realised that grieving does not mean being silly, sad and hurting oneself.   Grieving is to simply accept and let go of the person who won’t be present in our lives any more. And to live with beautiful memories. To live our lives each day with absolute honesty, sincerity, and authenticity is our responsibility. To keep their memories alive with our behaviour, every moment, every day is also our responsibility.

Losing anyone is not easy – whether in death or through a break-up.  And when someone is going through such challenging times, all we should do is hold their hand and give them support. That’s all I have needed, and I got that in plenty from my loving family and special friends.

I had to remind myself that I am the most important person in my life and that I had to be self-responsible.

So, as a reminder to myself and my friends who are on a similar journey, I have put together FIVE simple thoughts :

1) Make peace with yourself – most critical
2) Let go of all that you do not need to take forward in 2014! (I normally write all of the things I don’t want on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope and either burn it, or chuck in the bin)
3) Find one thing to do, just for you.
4) No binge eating, or drinking!
5) Find one person who is lonely this season, and just be there for them.

Wishing all my friends, loved one’s a wonderful and safe time.

God bless all.

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Posted by on February 20, 2014 in Uncategorized


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